questions?

-is it "wife beater" or "white beater" or "wife beader" or "just plain ol' tank top"?
-why do parents say there's a Santa then crash your fukcing dreams after you're like 8?
-why are you lying to your kids?
-why is Hannukah so long?
-what is up with Easter Bunny and the eggs? shouldn't it be Easter Chicken?
-why is Lupe Fiasco underestimated?
-do you feel bad for Rihanna?
-why is Drake so effin' sexy?
-am i an outcast?
-why don't i have a boyfriend?
-how come we have to take the SAT's in order to go to college?
-what if you're not a good test taker?
-why do i still talk to you when you're like the biggest asshole?
-why do we have the silent letters?
-how come the stop sign is red?
-why is the White House white? why can't it be pink?
-would Beyonce be as big as she is right now if Aaliyah was alive?
-did you hear about that 13 year old dad?
-why do i like to be a pest sometimes?
-what makes a great pie?
-why do they call 3.14 pie in math?
-what can we do about the recession?
this ain't even half of it.
so many questions...so little answers.

heartache.

so i came to a conclusion that heartache is not love sickness. it's not something that happens when the one you love or like hurts you or whatever it is. i don't know how to explain it honestly. all i know is i have this weird ass feeling in my heart for the past week. trust me, it is not because of some boy because of the simple fact that there's no worthy boy in my life right now. but for some reasons it starts hurting everytime i think about my past and my future. so did i break my own heart? everytime i start thinking about how i fukced up in the past year i get that feeling. everytime i start thinking about what could've happened if i didn't i get that feeling. everytime i think about myself [period) i get that feeling. i feel like i suck at life; that's another thing that hurts my heart. but it's time to think more positive. i'm getting too emo on that Rihanna shit haha. anywho, my heart is gonna stop hurting soon...i hope. but so far, it blows!

breathe.

nervous.

omg, this is all so overwhelming. and scary. and just crazy. i sent out 4 application in total so far. 2 in NY and 2 in here CT. 1 more in NY and 2 more in CT and imma be done. i'm SO nervous; not knowing what they're gonna say. acceptance or rejection letter. gotta wait and see. aaahhhh; eoaijtyoeajflkejeioajdiojtgkleaj.

venting.

a person can only take so much. it's funny how people label you sometimes. not in a bad way tho; like you might be that funny/happy person who's always smiling and cracking jokes. but inside you're stressing and overthinking everything. only, they can't see it. and when you do try to show that side of you they say shit like "oh somebody's bitchy" or "...but that's not how you usually are". i mean what if you are inside like that. maybe you're not that carefree. maybe you do actually give a fukc about everything. maybe you are scared what the future holds. they just can't see it because they just assume your life is a fairytale and you're always happy. nothing goes wrong with you and even if it do you just say "fukc it" and move on. so does that mean you're acting fake towards your friends and your family and basically everyone around you? or are you scared to show some emotions? scared what they would say or think. because you're strong right? it's funny how the stronger the person seems the weaker they are. but then again they're strong enough to not show their weakenesses. it's all too complicated. but it's nice to let it out sometimes. who gives a fukc about what others think!? life isn't easy and it fukcs you over. it's okay to show your emotions. maybe it's time i show some emotions. maybe i'm not so happy no more. don't get me wrong tho; i have a million reason to smile and be happy. but once in a blue; i get that feeling like nothing's going right and yet; i can't even show it because i think everyone's expecting me to be happy and nice. it's so weird. life is weird. i'm weird. get over it. eventually i will.

(500) Days Of Summer.

"this is not a love story, this is a story about love".

"Tom: i really liked this girl. no i loved her. and then she took a giant shit on my face. literally.

Girl: literally?

Tom: no, not literally. that's disgusting; what's the matter with you?".

i absolutely love this movie.

i love you.

"If we discovered that we have only five minutes left to say all that we wanted say, every telephone booth would be occupied by people calling other people to stammer that they loved them."
i came across this on the internet. i love it because it's so true.

ugh.

so i'm like extremely mad right now. my mother wanted to be a b*word and wouldn't let me go to the football game for no ass reason. she's just so unreasonable; it makes me soo mad. i just wanted to like oijtoijeakjdfoijeatea her ass! ughh. no wait, here comes the best part she didn't let me go but SHE and my dad just went out and i'm left home babysitting two little brats! what the fukc!?! i just wanted sometimes like why me!?! i'm just soo heated. i can truely say this; F M L !

chea chea.

"we work all our lives. then what?"

the close two.

it hurts when the people you know becomes the people you knew. it hurts when the people you trust the most becomes the people that fukc you over the worst. that's why i keep a close two and fukc you to rest of you!
i love you RV and ND; you whorebags :].

fake.

shout out to all the shady people out there! God knows there's a whole bunch of yall!

confessions [part 2).

-the only reason i'm making a part 2 is because i'm awfully bored.
-i didn't not wanna go to the football game tonight; my mom said no.
-i really don't like school.
-i think people are really shady.
-my little sisters REALLY annoy me.
-i don't hate my little sisters; i just say that i do.
-if i ever told you that i love you; i didn't really mean it.
-the only people that i say "i love you" to and actually mean it are my family and bestfriends.
-Soulja Boy looks really gay with his new hair.
-i feel bad that i ditched my math teacher today because i had to spend it with my anatomy teacher. he's still an idiot.
-my anatomy teacher is a bitch.
-i'll be fukced if either of them ever see this.
-his sadface makes me happyface.
-i absolutely hate it when girls say they the baddest bitch; if you ain't Nicki Minaj then you ain't the baddest bitch; stop biting hoe!
-i ain't gonna front, i wanted to text you today and i was like this close.
-ATF forum thingy don't get it in no more; i'm sorry but it's the truth "/.
-Travis Barker is hawt...especially when he's playing the drums.
-if i was the President i'd paint the White House pink.
-Drake makes me happy♥.
-no matter how much i say i say i hate my bestfriends and argue with them, i actually love they asses!
-i'm so lazy.
-i don't trust NONE of my friends but 3.
-that's why i'm out there but i don't tell you shit that you can go later on and use against me.
-i admit the fact that i'm the type to get hit by a parked car.
-the only reason i'm being nice to you is cause i don't wanna start nothing so stop trying to be my friend. clearly, i dislike you.
-i don't ignore you cause i don't like you; i ignore you cause the things you be saying are mad dumb.
-i actually don't hate it when my friends call me a math geek/genious; i actually get proud and shit.
-omg, i almost killed you today! you lucky we was in public.
-i don't know why i call this the confession; venting fits better.
-hmm; i can't think of anything else as of now.
-oh i love it when people call me darling haha.

confessions.

-i don't really want to go to UCONN; i'm saying that i do cause my parents want me to.
-i don't really know if i want to be a dentist in the future; i'm saying that i do cause my parents want me to.
-with that being said; i don't know what i REALLY want to be...hmm; i guess dentist sounds good.
-i'm not really as irresponsible as i seem.
-i'm definitely not carefree as i seem.
-i don't really hate you; i just say that i do because it makes me less angry thinking about you.
-yes, i do know that i have SOME anger issues.
-i have a girl-crush on Nicki Minaj but no i'm not gay nor bi; [get over it).
-i like that song Fireflies by Owl City; i didn't mean to tease you.
-i was the one who shot 50 Cent in the eye or mouth; can't remember.
-i actually want to go outta state for college but can't grow and tell my parents.
-i'm scared i'll end up in the streets if i don't go to college.
-i never liked my math teacher; he's such a corny childish idiot.
-i hate going to school.
-i have trust issues; trust me i don't even trust me.
-i strongly believe that my parents are the reasons behind my anger issues.
-sad but true; i don't want to end up like my mother; i love her with my all my heart but her decisions are not for me.
-i'm scared in the future i'll end up like my dad; that's even worse than being like my mother.
-i'm scared of what the future holds.
-i never liked my dad's dad.
-i'd do anything to go to University Of Toronto.
-it makes me really upset when i think about how i fukced up in my school years.
-i never hated Mr.Dunlap; he's the best teacher i ever had; he's actually awesome.
-i think his smile is superscary.
-i never liked my bestfriend's brothers; they seem like douchebags.
-i never liked my cousins from my dad's side; they all spoiled suckas.
-i think President Obama is hawt.
-i have a lot more confessions but i can't remember them so i think i'll have a part 2.
-vented out is the best feeling.

SAT's.

well, so i take it once again. this is my third time. i keep fukcing up. this is it. well, i might take it again in December if my dad pays for it lol. but let's see how imma do tomorrow. good luck to me; God knows imma need it. blahh; fml.

Dear you.

i'm sorry and i love you.
bye.

sutten artistic.

lmao; i love my bestfriends!
my fave picture EVER!

Happy Halloween.

mini-me :].

Angels.

i don't even like Diddy like that but this video and song goes hard. espcially the beat.

so...

i fukced up...again.
feel like failure but realize gotta keep my head up and keep trying.
dissapointment blows but that's life.
gotta work harder.
i can't wait 'til all this college stuff is over with.

throw it in;
Me: yo Jesus needs to help us with all that for real.
Naina: no for real tho; Jesus need to help me with my math on the SAT's.
^^lmao; i love my bestfriends; they make all this stress go away!

so...

i can't wait to get the fukc outta high school.

thug lifeee.

lol; nah i only want like 2 or 3.
4:43pmNaina
yea thats y i said in REALITY
4:44pmSedef
lol; in reality OR dreams; i still wouldn't want a lot of kids; come on now with a mother like me!?! how will they turn out!@??
lol.
4:46pmNaina
u shouldnt have ANY kids
4:47pmSedef
i KNOW! but you need couple of mini me's here and there tho!
4:47pmNaina
o heeeeeeeeeeell no. not round ma kids. LMAO!!!
4:48pmSedef
:o you BITCH! lol; please; my kids and ya' kids gonna be bestfirneds; imagine all the kids they'll beat up yo!lol.
4:51pmNaina
lmao!! they could b one hell of a gang
4:51pmSedef
yo i swear! they really would be lol; they'll be some THUGS!
4:54pmNaina
i know! lol sike. my kids r gonna b smart asses that go 2 harvard on a scholarship! lmao
4:55pmSedef
lmfao; colored kids with glasses with dressy clothes and ties sitting in the front seats!
wait; with wash and dry hair tho.
4:56pmNaina
yeaaaaaa of course. there skin is jus gonna b a little darker than usual wash and dry kids lol
4:57pmSedef
lmao; black kids with white people hair!
4:58pmNaina
im tellin you. there gonna b tha grestest and cutest kids ever! watch! and tha only friends there gonna have r eachother! i love nerds!
4:59pmSedef
lmao; lmao lmaooo. wait, Naina; if your kids don't be my kids' friends then my niggas won't have NO typa friends! you know they gonna be some outcast ass thugs!
5:00pmNaina
oooooo yea. except u n rinas kids. that mean we gotta live next door 2 eachother cuz i know i aint wasting gas evertime they wanna go over there lol
5:01pmSedef
lmfaooo; ya' cheap assss! but yeah; i hear youu! we gonna live right next door to each other; imma make my kids go over to ya' house and eat ya' food ALL the time!lol.
5:03pmNaina
o heeeeeeeeeell no! i dont want no scrubs in ma house tryna eat all my food! moochers! noooooo! lol. watch rina b tha outcast n live cross town
5:04pmSedef
lmfao lmfao lmfao lmfao.

the convo pretty muchh ended right there lol. oh and please don't get offended by ANYTHING she or i said; we just kidding. insiders; yayy lol.

no more cussing.

so i basically had the worst day ever today; literally. it was horrible and all i could do was just cuss around and whatnot. so i realized that i should stop cause i cuss like way to much. sooo; as of today; intead of f*** i say just simply eff or effing and instead of f***er [which was like my favorite word); i say sucka and mothasucka [that's my new favorite lol); instead of sh** i say ishh or junk or stuff. now i don't know if i can do this for a long time but it's worth trying. because i'm at a point where i cuss literally everywhere without even noticing. it probably won't last long but i just wanna see :].

procrastination.

procrastinate:
to defer action, delay, to put off 'till another day or time.

procrastinator:
Sedef.

Happy Birthday...

Drakee!
chances you gonna see this is like one in infinity plus one but still happy birthday and i love you :].

blahh.

parents suck; boys suck; girls suck; people suck; school suck; college stuff suck; college admissions suck; SAT's suck; teachers suck; friends suck; life sucks; CT sucks; dissapointment sucks; liars suck; people that leave you suck; Sounja Boy sucks; my headphones broke so they suck; being broke sucks; being jobless sucks; report cards suck; S.T.R.E.S.S sucks; and last but not least...I suck!
*sighs* think i covered it all...feel free if you wanna add anything!
:]

see you never.

so you won't be there anymore and i won't see you anymore so this is my good-bye to you. bye you asshole/dick! see you never.

madface.

okay okay so i'm extremely stressed out about all this college stuff like which senior isn't? but yeah; i don't like to talk about it tho cause i'm sucha loud, obnoxious [at times), irresponsible and carefree person...at least in all of my friends' eyes i am. but there's this teacher who i absolutely HATED last year and he hated me also but this year when i talked to him on one on one he was supernice and very helpful to me. made me feel much better about all my college stuff and whatnot; he's very easy to talk to. well, when i'm one on one with him; i'm mad calm and easy to talk to also. anyhow; today me and my two bestfriends [who he had last year also) went to him to say hi and well, i was just laughing and cracking jokes and whatnot and when i was leaving i heard him say to one of my bestfriends "...because when i talk to Sedef one on one she's a real person; with you guys she has some fake acts"; now that made me FURIOUS! now in what world do you know me better than my bestfriends!? why would you say something like that!? i appreciate all two talks that we had BUT that does not mean you know me completely nor better than them. i definitely don't act fake around nobody; it's just that he's sucha weird human being he finds my weak spot and i let it all out all calmly. i was just very dissapointed i guess. i wanna talk to him about it tomorrow after school but i don't know if i should. i think i'm gonna. imma BLAST HIM! this needs to be cleared out. i wouldn't want anyone to think that i'm fake cause that is definitely something i am NOT! NEVER have been and NEVER will be.

first post.

OMG, i finally have a blogger thingy! my friends suggested this to me since i talk wayy too much. i'm not a writer or anything tho; i wish i was talented like that. but like i said i'm pretty talkative and i guess this will be a way for me to let it alll out. i like this lol. but yeah; i'm Sedef; people call me Drakehead; i LOVE it lol. oh as you can see from the name i LOVE Drake. this ain't a introduction tho lol. that'll come soon ;].